Saturday, January 01, 2022

What doesn't kill us....makes us go mad....

I can't believe I haven't written since late September. Well, on the other hand, maybe I can. I have had to face certain significant challenges between late September and late December. I will start at the end and work backwards - always the cart before the horse - I need to rein things in.  :)

1. Christmas turkey. I always buy a frozen turkey and let it thaw in the fridge for a few days before it needs to be cooked for the three days of the year we eat turkey - Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas. It seemed easier in the past. There was always a frozen turkey somewhere between nine and fourteen pounds that was, just that, a turkey, though ironically the brand was somehow called Flamingo. I could quite easily bypass turkeys that were: a) butter enhanced (read, shot through with chemicals), b) pre-seasoned (read again, shot through with chemicals, c) pre-stuffed (read, packed with chemicals), d) cook from frozen - for those who never plan ahead I guess. Now, I did pause at the ones that had missing parts. I felt a little sorry for them. Finally, three stores later I did find some perfectly unadulterated turkeys that would have been fine had they not been thawing for a day or two already. I would have to come back and buy whatever was left a little closer to the time. Yes, I could have bought a frozen organic turkey for $89.00 hmmmm - not today.

2. Before turkey buying, we have tree trimming. We actually buy our Christmas tree at the beginning of December and keep it outside until a week or so before Christmas. The tree isn't any fresher or better shaped - who could tell anyway, they are always wrapped in netting, but it is one less pressure to have with all the other pressures around the holiday season. I always envision trimming the tree, as a quiet party with family, after dinner - add some Carols, a little wine, some cookies....the list goes on. In reality it is usually me on a nondescript afternoon rushing to get it done before dinner. Well, this year the tree was quite "fluffy." It took all the coloured lights we had and then some. What should have been completed in an afternoon was now into its second day. Twenty-four hours later, I went to Home Depot for more lights - SOLD OUT. I panicked. Next stop Canadian Tire - they need to hire the buyer from Home Depot - these guys will be selling lights into July. I was overwhelmed! I could buy strings of lights by the number - 50 lights, 100, 150, 200, 250. I could buy indoor lights, outdoor lights, indoor-outdoor lights, big lights, small lights, teeny tiny miniature lights. Really how many multipurpose, multi-sized lights did I need? I followed a customer, who had snagged a salesperson and bought what she bought or at least close to it. Since she had bought the last box of 100 lights, I had to buy 150.

3. It's one thing to buy an extra set of lights, it's another thing to have them "match" your other strings of lights that you have had for the last 10 or 20 years. Clearly someone had missed the boat on the built in obsolescence of Christmas lights. 

Snide remarks aside, this is how it went:

    a) Plugged in new lights and added them to the bottom of the tree - too long
    b) Realized that all the lights had to be taken off the tree and the new set had to go on first.
    c) Added new set only to realize that it just had a "male" end to it - go figure.
    d) Had to remove and restring the remaining lights on the tree to get the correct "sex" connections.
          Porn is everywhere.
    e) Finally plugged in the lights only to find that the middle strand had three small lights on a row that
          were out.
    f) Pulled out the middle bulb of three. The entire string died, sigh. Found a new bulb. It didn't fit.
          Tried to replace 
the old bulb only to lose it somewhere in the tree.
    g) Disconnected the middle strand and rearranged the strings of lights once again.
    h) Forgot to mention that the new set of lights on the top half of the tree twinkle, the rest don't.

Next post - the furnace, which apparently does have built in obsolescence.

Have a happy New Year.    

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