Sunday, September 22, 2013

Death by Poutine

I enjoyed Tabitha Southey's column the other day in the Globe and Mail - Beavers don't Kill People. It was a humorous take on the efforts to curb the use of guns in the US. Her idea was - suppose you looked at something as sacred in Canada, as the right to bear arms is, in the states. The author decided that what might be consider sacred in Canada is the beaver. Therefore how would you feel if you were subjected to background checks, denied access to coffee houses and generally considered suspicious, just because you owned a beaver.

Her column ends by saying:

"I feel blessed to live in a country where most of our cultural icons are not capable of killing large numbers of people in a short space of time. It can take years to die of poutine, and the majority of poutine-related deaths are self-inflicted.
I once knew someone who died from reading Robertson Davies, but he managed to hang on until the second last chapter of The Manticore. It was the five-pin bowling that kept him strong."
I would like to add a few other cultural icons that would also be considered sacred to Canadian culture, which Tabitha might have used, as well, such as:
1. Loons. Loons are ducks that yodel. We like them so much that we used them as symbols on our one dollar coin, which we affectionately named the "loonie." Ironically the term, loonie, has nothing to do with the mental state of most Canadians, unless, of course, you have been elected to public office and then it's open season on them!!

2. As apple pie is to Americans, so poutine is to Canadians. We love our cheese curds, chips (french fries) and gravy. Though I have a creeping sense of deja vu, with the opening of a new poutinerie on the local strip. It is a branch of the US chain, New York Fries. How dare they!! Poutine is Canadian, well, French Canadian. It's right up there with Pea soup and Beaver Tails. They define us! If these go south, so will our Moose meat tortieres, Newfoundland Screech and Saskatoonberry pie!! - no way, eh!!
3. We have many Robertson Davies write-a-likes. Somnolent writers are a mainstay of the Canadian literary scene. Well, we are a quiet people. Our drones are sleep induced. They are non-aggressive and inoffensive, unless one snores. We don't need Ativan, to help us nod off, we just need a few more published authors.
4. Southey suggests that five-pin bowling gives us the strength we need to slog through most Canadian novels. I would like to add that we are also made strong by watching any one of our teams lose yet another game, in what many consider our national sport, Hockey. Notice that we nod and smile at all those who presume that Hockey is indeed our national sport. It has street creds; it is  played in the US. What can I say? It also keeps, in the closet, the fact that our true national sport is really Lacrosse. I know La - What?
5. Now, for all those who find Lacrosse too aggressive, there is always Curling. It's hard to imagine the thrill of sweeping at, over or around a spinning disc, sliding down the ice, in the vain belief that all those good vibrations will help you knock some guys rocks off, or something like that :) Curling always reminds me of Krokano on ice. Tiddly Winks, anyone?

Have a fun day

1 comment:

  1. I used to play lacrosse - I loved it! Brilliant game! Had never heard of poutines or Newfoundland Screech. Thanks for educating me!